Stream it now On Golden Pond Reset Status Want to Watch Already Watched Don't Want to Watch

Oh I live in Maine, we had a blizzard last week and now it is about 40 degrees fahrenheit and it is melting the snow, pooh, pooh.

Comments pending.

It seems like a made for tv movie that I would have seen in the 80's or early 90's.

:fresh:
Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda were an excellent couple, I believed everything they said, you have to be a great actor to make this screenplay believable, and they made it.

Well deserved the Oscars to Hepburn and Fonda, Hepburn is the best actress of history, no doubt about it

Jane Fonda was good but her role is very supporting.

En el Estanque Dorado es una pel

Sid & Nancy, directed by Alex Cox, explores the tragic relationship of the Sex Pistols Sid Vicious (Gary Oldman) and his American groupie/junkie girlfriend Nancy Spungen (Chloe Webb). Those hoping for a detailed story about the Sex Pistols will likely be disappointed as this film is entirely about Sid and Nancy's relationship and their descent into heroin addiction. Punk rock was a huge part of my life growing up, and I remember being disappointed when I first saw this film back in the day. It fared a little bit better on a recent viewing, but I still believe it would have been a better film if it also included more about the band than just Sid and Nancy's relationship. Despite it's flaws, it's still an interesting film.

On Golden Pond, directed by Mark Rydell, is a family drama centered on the relationship of an elderly married couple. Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn star as Norman and Ethel Thayer. They are returning to a summer vacation home to celebrate Norman's 80th birthday. Norman has become grumpy in old age, has some health issues, and is becoming obsessed with death. The faithful Hepburn is more of an optimist, enjoying the twilight of her life. The actors have great screen chemistry, and their relationship is a joy to watch. The film gets muddled when conflict arrives in the form of daughter Chelsea (Jane Fonda), fiance Bill (Dabney Coleman) and his son Billy (Doug McKeon). The entire "generational differences" subplot is cliched and overwrought, and Jane Fonda's character alone almost ruins the film. Her and Bill leave for a European vacation, leaving young Billy behind, and after some awkward moments he and Norman begin to bond.

I immensely enjoyed parts of this film (the relationship of Ethel and Norman) and disliked others (the entire Jane Fonda subplot). It doesn't break any new ground with the generation gap subplot, and at times is overly sentimental. That said the performances of Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda are very good, and make this watchable, especially if you are fans of these two actors.

Glory, directed by Edward Zwick, is an above average Civil War film that explores a volunteer all-black regiment. Despite the fact that the Civil War was fought over slavery, the black soldiers who fought did not receive equal treatment. Colonel Robert Gould Shaw (Matthew Broderick) leads the soldiers which include Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and Andre Braugher. Denzel Washington won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role as Trip, a fugitive slave fighting for freedom. The cinematography (another Oscar) is outstanding, and the battle scenes superbly done.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is the film adaption of the hit Broadway musical. Directed by Colin Higgins, the film stars Dolly Parton, Burt Reynolds, Charles Durning, Dom DeLuise, and Jim Nabors. Having never seen the play, I can't really tell you how well this adapted to film, but it's a fun, lightweight waste of time. Charles Durning is a standout, and Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds supply plenty of laughs.

1969 stars Keifer Sutherland as a draft age young man at the height of the Vietnam war who takes an anti-war stance after a friend dies. A terrible film about a fascinating period in American history.

In spite of some rather irritating moments, this is a fine film. I don't think the script rings particularly true, the dialogue doesn't seem natural. But, with this cast it is well worth watching. There was a lot of flack back in 1982 when henry Fonda won Best Actor, that he only won because he was old..but he really was the best of the nominees that year. Katherine hepburn winning - maybe, she had tougher competition, including Meryl Streep for The French Lieutenant's Woman. No matter what, she gave a stellar performance.

I appreciated the detail in this movie. It reminded me, quite vividly, of my own experiences at lakes and lake reserviors. Some of the lines in this movie are great: "You poop! You god damned poop!", "You were right about me. I am fascinating.", etc. The acting, especially that turned in by Henry Fonda, is wonderful to watch. Even the kid isn't bad at all. To me, Jane Fonda's character is the least most convincing. Unfortunately this movie is riddled with some over-the-top cheesy moments ("I'm going to do a god damned back flip! I want to!") and some expected plot turns, which keeps it from becoming great.

DING! Here's today's MAIN EVENT! Not recommended for the weak of stomach.


Ethel Thayer (Katherine Hepburn) from On Golden Pond (1981)
VS.
Quint (Robert Shaw) from Jaws (1975)

Ethel Thayer covered her eyes as she walked out her front door shielding them as the sun glistened golden on her beloved pond. Her morning strolls by the lakeside were precious to her in her waning years; the serenity they brought helped her to think about something other than her impending death. She was, after all, 147 years old and her brittle bones had long since been replaced by titanium struts and rods. Sometimes she felt like she was more machine than woman.



As she gazed across the water, her much needed calm did not come, something was off. Her integrated Cyber-Nose 7000 quickly analyzed the particulates in the surrounding air, her firmware was due for an upgrade, but ole Bessie could still pick out nitrogen from bithulamen with the best of them.


Blood? She rechecked the calculations. Sweet Woodrow Wilson it was blood! She took off in a blur at 160 mph, and found the body in 16 seconds...or what was left of the body anyway.


"Oh, no." she thought to herself. "How many graves am I gonna have to dig this year?"



***
Days later in the nearby town of...Neargoldenpondselburg, the locals were calling to order a town meeting. Steven Jeffers strode to the podium and slammed down his fist. "This has got to stop!"

"I don't disagree Steve," said Grover Norquist from the front row, "I think everyone in this room has lost at least 3 children over the years..."


"And I lost my dog!" someone shouted.


"...yeah, and Gravy lost his dog, but what can we do? 'T'ain't no weapon forged what can pierce that woman's heart. Literally, titanium's like really strong."


"Nevertheless something must be done, if we can't kill her maybe we can reas-"

Suddenly the room was overpowered by the sound of someone chewing on tin foil. Everyone looked around and there sat Quint, the crustiest of sailors. "I know what ya need. Isn't the woman that's the problem."


"It's not Mrs. Thayer?" Steven asked.


"Aye. Nay." He said slowly.


"Well what the hell--"


"What you're dealing with here...Mr. Jeffers, is a shark. Big shark."

"A shark...then the legends are true?" Grover said calmly.


"What legends, Grover?" Steven asked.

"Well the stories go that her husband kept a pet shark in the pond up there, say that's how he died, but that Mrs. Thayer loves it like her own in spite of everything. We all just assumed it was insane babble since it came from Screaming Eddie."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAHHHH, AHHHHH, AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"I know Eddie, and I'm sorry!" Said Grover.

"The screaming one is right." Quint said calmly. "For $10,000 I'll catch him. Reel him in too."

"But what about the woman...Mrs Thayer." Grover asked.

"I'm not afraid of no woman."


"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"



***


"Excuse ME!" Ethel Thayer said angrily. She stood on the shore staring at the back of the odorific man that her olfactory analysis, which she had to turn off shortly after his arrival as the data streams were making her dizzy, told her smelled of a mixture of Old Spice, sweat, week old pizza, leather, gun oil, fish oil, burned butter, and mongoose anise. He was adjusting ropes on an enormous boat that had appeared overnight in her pond. "Ahem." She said. He just whistled a sea shanty in response.

"I say young man, what are you doing here with that boat in my pond?"

"Aye. I'm here to hunt down and kill your shark, ma'am."


"A shark?!" She said, trying to play it cool. "In my pond? That's ridiculous."

"If you say so."

"Phah. Well even if there was a shark, well how do you propose to catch this beast?"

"Me in my boat, fishin' line...probably something with barrels."

Ethel was stunned. The affrontery of it all, part of her knew that the shark was a menace, but it was the only part of Norman that she had left. "Oh Norman," she thought to herself, "dear, sweet, naive, bonnet wearing Norman. Your love for me was only eclipsed by your love of carnivorous aquatic based life. And now this oil derrick of a man wants to destroy that which you loved so dearly. Well, over my dead body!"

"To hell with you Mr..."

"Quint."


"Mr. Quint! Put up your dukes!"

Quint was expecting this and he responded immediately with a blast of pepper spray to her face and climbed aboard his ship. As she lay on the ground screaming and writhing in agony he screamed, "I didn't expect you to take this lying down! Ha ha! Your husband would'a just shot me!"

The burning in Ethel's eyes was subsiding, but a new flame was burning in her chest. She would see this man dead.

***

The Next day Ethel took her rowboat out to meet Quint. "Permission to come aboard Captain!" She shouted over the bow.

"Permission denie-"

"I decide to come on anyway." She said almost immediately appearing by her side.

"What is your business here woman!" He shouted disengaging himself from his fishin' chair.

"I've come to watch you die."

"Aye?"

"Indeed. My shark will eventually take you to your grave, and I intend to enjoy it up close."

Slowly a smile crept across Quint's face and he started to laugh, "Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I wanna go to bed! I had a little-"

"Stop that!"

"-drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head!"

"Stop singing!"

"Wherever I may roam,"

"You infernal man!" Ethel stomped her foot and stalked off into the boat's cabin as Quint laughed maniacally and fastened himself back into his chair. "And this better not be some crazy scheme for getting in my pants!"

"Arrghhhh!" Her muffled scream came back.


***

For three nights they sat aboard the cramped boat. Quint constantly spouting dirty limericks and flatulence, and Ethel, who hadn't farted in nigh on 60 years actually found herself comforted by the smell. Her blood thirsty appetite for vengeance had made her feel like a woman again. She couldn't quite explain it but she was almost glad this man had entered her life.

There had been no sign of the shark since they set out, no matter, he would come. Inexplicably, her mind kept returning to Quint's pants and more specifically their contents. Late one evening they found themselves sharing a frilly bottle of apple-cinnamon schnapps.

"Now, Mr. Quint, keeping in mind I still lust for your death, please, if I may ask, how did you receive that scar on you forehead."

"Ai." He said feeling it, "'Twas shark related. It's a long story."

"Well, sir, you've got five more cases of this stuff in the corner."

"It was the USS Indianapolis...It sank...sharks ate the crew. Two men survived. Me ...and Norman Thayer"

Ethel sat there dumbfounded, "You knew my Norman?"

"Aye, in a way that only two men forced to eat the floating remains of their fellow crewmen to survive while clinging to bits of blown up ship can know each other...that is to say pretty well."

"Norman...he never told me how he developed a taste for human flesh. That must have been a terrible experience."

"Yeah, it bit."

"Oh, oh, ahaha! Oh that is funny! You are a wit sir!" She said through peels of laughter and tears of sadness.

"You ever see a sharks eyes Mrs. Thayer, they're cold, dead, like a doll's eyes."

"Mmm, Spencer Tracy was the same way."

"Aye?"

Suddenly the boat was shaken by a sudden jolt from below and the pair was tossed from their seats. "What was that?" Ethel screamed as the boat was shaken again.

"The unyielding thump of a shark!" The boat split open and the gaping...mouth...of the shark broke through the hull. It was right on top of Quint working it's salivating...tooth bones...open and closed searching for sweet delicious seaman. Ethel watched in horror as the man she found herself growing ever fond of, slid unto the gaping...food hole, of the monster in front of her. Hours ago she envisioned that this would be a moment of triumph but she found herself overcome with a stirring in her loins that she'd not felt in over 80 years. She screamed as it gulped him down, not even pausing to chew. She felt in her the strength of 100 men as she found her footing. Grabbing the shark's nose in one hand and its, uh, lip, I guess, in the other she bellowed, "You took my husband from me, and now you've taken the only living piece of his memory! Smile you son of a bitch-shark!"

With that she split the shark in two lengthwise, sinking the boat and pulling herself into the watery abyss. Her bionic eyes spotted the figure of a man amongst the flotsam and jetsam floating all about. She grabbed her filthy friend and made for shore. There she breathed life anew into his lungs and finally, sputtering he sat up saw himself surrounded by and covered with the guts of his prey, and he saw Ethel, sweet, ridiculously strong Ethel.

"Oh, Mr. Quint!"

"Ethel, don't speak, just make love to me here in the carcass of this sea beast."

"I will, here, on golden pond." And with that, she kissed him, and never, in all her years, had bile and stomach acid tasted so good, or so sweet.


Fin.


- Dutchy Frederick Archibald Betzner, the Nick of Time
The Hodgepodge Society
New New New New New New New New Bismark, SD (The Future)
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On Golden Pond

This is a beautiful film full of love and heartache. My favorite thing about it is that it feels real. For 1 hour and 47 minutes I felt like I was watching the lives of the Thayer family through a window. This is a must see for everyone with a heart.