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The Maltese Falcon was the original detective noir, but The Big Sleep, it's all but twin, arguably is even better. The covulted script is the most historic Hollywood has yet to see, but it only adds to the mystique of this dark tale of deceit, double-crosses, and seedy characters. It takes no time at all to realize that you can't figure out who killed who, but even less time to know you don't really care. What sets this film apart from it's early cousin then, the one that is a pile of "firsts"? The most glaring thing is the undeniable chemsitry that Humphrey Bogart and his to-be wife Lauren Bacall have on-screen that led to it off. The banter his hot and heavey. You can't say enough about what's left to the imagination because the writing here does more than enough on it's own. The sexual energy overflows in this film, just see the bookstore gal scene or the well known race horse discussion and you'll know what I mean.

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Something's Gotta Give (2003) **

I don't know who exactly the producers were targeting with this anemic romantic comedy; younger viewers will undeniably be grossed out by the idea that old people have sex and older viewers certainly won't connect with these wrinkly characters stuck in perpetual adolescence. For what it's worth, Jack Nicholson plays a hip-hop producer (in the first of the countless absurd claims this movie makes) who suffers a heart attack in the Hamptons home of his 30-year-old squeeze (Amanda Peet). His doctor (Keanu Reeves, absurd claim #2) orders him to rest... and where else can he rest but the Hamptons home, with his girlfriend's writer mother (Diane Keaton), whom Harry cannot stand. Of course, they fall in love... but then Keanu also falls in love with Keaton. And somewhere in this fit Frances McDormand and Jon Favreau (as well as the original Starsky, for some reason). Something's Gotta Give is a colossal waste of talent in front of the camera (as for the back of the camera, Meyers is pretty much her old reliable hack self) backed by a ridiculous screenplay. I don't understand how anyone can believe that people would actually act like this; there are actually TWO scenes in which Nicholson and Keaton flirt using instant messaging. The stars are watchable enough; even Reeves is bearable, but they can't save the screenplay. Nothing can.

Beyond Borders (2003) *1/2

These movies used to be a dime a dozen in the early 90's: a politically conscious, cheaply-made vehicle for a fading (or rising, for that matter) star that gives the illusion that it's actually trying to make a point. It's the kind of movie that dupes casual viewers into thinking that they're actually watching something thought-provoking. Angelina plays a wealthy socialite who attends a social faction against AIDS when hunky doctor Clive Owen drops by with a malnourished African kid and a tirade about how bad the kid's life is. This encourages Jolie to ship off to Africa, where she helps Owen give aid to those less fortunate. Also, she gets some hot doctor sex, obviously. She goes to Cambodia five years after that (more hot doctor sex) and finally to Chechenya five years after that (no hot doctor sex here). I'm surprised to learn that Oliver Stone, of all people, was originally slated to direct this corny, faux-epic romance. The topic is right up Stone's alley, but the script is decrepit, hokey bullshit of the first order: predictable to the core, sappy and filled with every device in the book to ensure that we feel some hollow pain for the cardboard cutouts on-screen. Of course Jolie always remains perfectly made up and coiffed despite the fact that she's in some of the dirtiest, poorest regions in the world... and of course there are small children in peril (there's even a CGI malnourished baby that's not much more convincing than Jar-Jar). Jolie and Owen aren't actually too bad (barring the fact they have zero chemistry together) and there's one scene involving a grenade that (if only for a brief moment) actually caught my attention... but the filmmakers would've been better off giving the 35 million budget straight to UNICEF.

West Side Story (1961) ***1/2

Gang warfare and ballet don't go together, but this movie tries anyway. Far from being the end-all classic musical it is billed as, West Side Story remains a fairly entertaining musical. The film is set in New York, where two gangs duke it out because... that's what gangs do. Things blow up when a member of the Jets, Tony (Richard Beymer) falls in love with the sister of the Sharks' leader (George Chakiris), Maria (Natalie Wood). It's not always easy to buy the film's golly-gee-whiz hoodlums or their triple-lutzing brawls; the film has its share of ridiculous scenes but it picks up whenever there's a song. The choreography of these scenes is often amazing... but the film has a few too many slow, tender songs that bring the film to a grinding halt. Speaking of which, the leads have little chemistry and their story is only mildly involving; thankfully the supporting cast are much more alive and interesting (if you forget the fact that most of the so-called tough guys look a lot like Moe from the Simpsons). It's certainly no Singin' in the Rain (few films are, musical or not) but it sure as hell beats The Sound of Music as far as venerable classic musicals go.

21 Grams (2003) ****

Inarritu's follow-up to his intense debut Amores Perros shares many similarities with the previous film: they have the same chopped-up narrative, the same gritty visual style and both films have a car accident as their center. But where Amores Perros had brutal shifts in tone, 21 Grams has none. This is brutal and depressing the whole way through. Benicio Del Toro plays a reformed criminal / born-again Christian who accidentally runs over a man (Danny Huston) and his two daughters, sending the man's wife (Naomi Watts) back in a downward spiral of drugs until she meets the man who got her husband's heart (Sean Penn), a sickly math teacher who is intent on meeting the wife of the man who saved his life. Inarritu uses the same fractured chronology as he did in Amores Perros to tell a story that doesn't necessarily require it; the story eventually loses momentum because of its storytelling, which goes over some elements more than once when the elements don't necessarily need it. In spite of this, the film is gritty and raw, an actor's workshop if I ever saw one that draws fantastic performances from the leads. It comes mighty close to head-exploding, student-film pretention at times but fortunately the film is intelligent enough to avoid wallowing in self pity. We have a wonderful talent emerging in Inarritu; now he only has to prove that he can make a movie without chopping it up in any order.

The Big Sleep (1946) ****1/2

Is there really an actor that's more effortlessly, unconciously cool than Bogart? Here he is at his apex, really, as the famous private eye Phillip Marlowe. Marlowe is summoned by a dying general to tie up some loose ends concerning his family - loose ends that all point to a man named Sean Regan, who has disappeared, taking with him an eminent mobster's wife. Soon, people start dropping like flies and Marlowe discovers that there may be more (a lot more) to the story than it may seem. Not to mention that Vivian, the general's daughter (played, of course, by Lauren Bacall) has taken a liking to Marlowe... and he's not saying know. The plot is ridiculously, deliciously complicated; it's common Hollywood folklore that no one actually knew who killed certain characters... but the script is really more than just a lot of plot twists. The dialogue is terrific; this is by far the most quotable of the film noirs I've seen. Bogart is the epitome of Bogartness here; he is, of course, paired with Bacall and they pretty much make sparks. The plot does get a little too contrived at times, but otherwise this is top-flight stuff.

Dead Ringers: Hard to get into; but once you're able to relate to the twins the movie takes a turn for the better. Irons is so good you forget you're watching one person play two characters.

A bug's life: Inspired spin on the Seven Samurai tale. Excellent animation work.

Rabbit-Proof Fence: The good intentions are partially ruined by the one-dimensional bad guy and Noyce's limitations as a filmmaker.

Suspiria: Argento once again creates one of the creepiest atmospheres you'll ever endure. Too bad the plot gets too silly near the end.

The Big Sleep: Bogart's Marlowe is one of the greats: a ladies man who always has a snappy comeback and can get himself out of any situation: a thinking man's hero. Perfect chemistry between him and Bacall. Plot is hard to decipher at times, but the classic style makes more than up for it.

Comments pending.

No one writes films like this anymore. You'll be laughing, not because it is funny, but because it is so witty.

****/****

Bogie. The man. This film brought Bogie and Bacall together again, (after having fallen in love shooting "To Have and Have Not"). I love all of Bogart's pictures equally. Okay, I do have a couple favorites. But for those of you who are unfamiliar with what made him so great, this is one of his films to watch. He was always so cool, no matter the situation. One of my favorite moments in this film is toward the end, when Bogie's tied up and Bacall lights a cigarette for him. They're talking to each other, the cigarette hanging from his lip, and he says, "Get this thing out of my mouth . . ." Ahh, Bogie.

Another one of those films that makes me wish there were still movies like this one today. For one, the footage itself is just beautiful and it's just too bad we don't see things like it anymore. Also, when do we see any kind of performances like that of Humphrey Bogart's? One that so perfectly captures the film and carries the movie on its back. It's enticing and unforgettable, like the film itself. The screenplay is crisp and cutting, one line after another. The plot itself is a little hard to decipher, but it is how we see what happens that's more important. A near-perfect detective classic.

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WOW, WHAT A MOVIE! THE PAIRING OF HUMPHREY BOGART AND LAUREN BACALL IS ALWAYS INCREDIBLY MAGICAL AND THIS IS THEIR BEST. GREAT STORY, FANTASTIC DIRECTION. IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.

My first Bogart film and what a complicated crime thriller.

So I'm sorry, I fell behind again. On Saturday, I watched The Big Sleep and Inherit the Wind. I enjoyed both. I thought The Big Sleep was a little confusing (and not in a good way, but in the "Oh, I can't be bothered to write a coherent script" way). But the banter was good.

And I LOVED Inherit the Wind. Very passionate, very well-written. This is one of the movies, I think, where I could see myself insisting that people watch it with me. Very, very good.